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STRETCH GOAL UPDATE! If this campaign reaches the stretch goal of $3,500, the foreword for I'm Better At Crowdsourcing Than Jose Canseco will be written by none other than WWE Hall of Famer, former WWE Champion, and Iranian legend The Iron Sheik! This is not a joke, as he's confirmed it himself. Considering his opinions on Mr. Canseco are even harsher than mine, it should make for a pretty awesome opening to the book.

WE DID IT! UPDATE: Hooooooly shit! Through the power of the internet, lovers of dumb shit, and people who hate Jose Canseco, this project has been funded in less than four days! Work on the book has already started, but I'm only revealing the nature of it to a select group of people. Rest assured, it will be even stupider and weirder than you're expecting. The book will be out this year, but I won't be releasing the cover or details until the day it's available for sale. Keep an eye on my Twitter @DanRyckert, and I'll be updating whenever appropriate news is ready to release. Also, all contribution rewards will begin being sent out at the conclusion of the campaign's duration. Thanks so much for your support, Internet! You've helped make something exceedingly dumb happen. And fuck you, Canseco.

CONTENT UPDATE: Something pretty awesome is coming together for the actual content of the book. As you can see in the original description, it was going to be just a "minimum requirement to be a book" kind of thing. I'm happy to announce that instead of this just being a silly joke campaign, this book will now wind up being a ridiculous project that a lot of people won't expect.

ORIGINAL TEXTThat idiot Jose Canseco started a crowdfunding campaign yesterday for a stupid podcast that no one will ever listen to. Despite having over half a million followers, that dip**** has only raised $20 at the time of this writing (10:30pm on 7/24). Clearly, he sucks at crowdfunding just as much as he sucks at writing, being a good friend to teammates, penning coherent tweets, or playing baseball without cheating.

I've never considered crowdfunding anything, but it'd be real funny to me if a gaming writer with 13,000 Twitter followers can make more money for something stupid than a MLB player with 520,000 followers can make for something just as stupid. I'm using the same site that he's using, and leveraging the same social media channels that he is, so if I raise more money than him it's simply because I'm better at this than him. So basically, help me make that happen and give me your money.

If this campaign reaches its goal, I'm gonna write a book titled "Jose Canseco Sucks At Crowdfunding." It won't be a good book. It can't be a good book. I'll just write the minimum requirements needed to make it a thing that you can actually buy on the internet and it gets sent to your house. That said, I do promise that it'll have some pretty cool cover art of Jose looking stupid and sad, and I'll probably be gloating in the background and being better than him.

The book might be 50 pages long, or it could be 100 pages. It might (read: will probably) have big font. I'll probably go off topic and it'll be an unreadable mess. That said, it will be a thing that you can own, and I can forever mock Jose on Twitter because he sucks and I beat him.

So that's that. I put down an arbitrary $2,000 to cover the cost of cover art, ISBN registrations, and other little fees for getting the book done. It probably won't even cost that much. I'll take anything extra and put it towards some badass seats for me at Wrestlemania XXX next year. It doesn't even matter if I make the goal. All I care about is that I beat that dummy Jose. Then again, I have nothing to lose if I don't meet the goal. This is really a no-lose situation for me. Give me your money and I'll give you the dumb crap listed here. Thanks!

64 Contributors

$3,058

Contributions of $2,000 goal

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Campaign Ended on 2013-08-24

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$5

Nothing tangible


I'll look at the email that says you gave me money, see your name on a screen, and be happy for a second that you've financed my next beer.

3 claimed

$15

Whoopie!


I'll write "FART" on a Whoopie cushion with a Sharpie and send it to you in the mail.

9 claimed

$25

Signed and Personalized Air Force Gator


I'll send you a signed copy of Air Force Gator or Air Force Gator 2: Scales of Justice. I'll also write or draw whatever dumb crap you want in it.

24 claimed

$50

Signed/Personalized copies of both AFG and AFG2


Both Air Force Gator books, signed and personalized.

14 claimed

$75

YOU are better than Jose Canseco


I'll take a picture of you (of your choosing) and use my crappy Photoshop skills to make you appear to be better than Jose Canseco in a situation of your choosing.

(ALSO INCLUDES BOTH AIR FORCE GATOR BOOKS AND WHOOPIE CUSHION)

2 claimed

$100

You're in I'm Better At Crowdsourcing Than Jose Canseco


I'll write about you at some point in this awful book.

5 claimed

$150

Vegas Lounge


If you can get your own ass to Minneapolis, I'll buy all your drinks at the awesome Vegas Lounge and we'll sing whatever karaoke you want.

(ALSO INCLUDES BOTH AIR FORCE GATOR BOOKS)

3 claimed

$200

Immortalized at Wrestlemania XXX


I plan on going to Wrestlemania XXX next year in New Orleans, and I want to buy some sweet seats. If you reach this level, I'll make a sign with your name or Twitter handle on it, and hold it up whenever I can.

(ALSO INCLUDES BOTH AIR FORCE GATOR BOOKS, WHOOPIE CUSHION, AND DRINKS AT VEGAS LOUNGE)

1 claimed

$300

You're in Air Force Gator 3: Cold Bloodlines


9 left of 10 available

I'm currently working on Air Force Gator 3: Cold Bloodlines, and I have most of it planned out. That said, I can easily squeeze some dumb character in with your name if you give me 300 damn dollars.

(ALSO INCLUDES BOTH AIR FORCE GATOR BOOKS, WHOOPIE CUSHION, AND DRINKS AT VEGAS LOUNGE)

1 claimed

$400

My copy of WWF WarZone for Nintendo 64 (PLUS BONUS!)


1 left of 1 available

WWF WarZone totally sucks now, but it was kind of fun in 1998. Actually, it kind of always sucked compared to the WCW/NWO games from THQ. Anyway, my copy of the game is yours if you give me 400 dollars. 

As an added BONUS, I'll make a crappy version of you in the create-a-wrestler mode before I send it out!

(ALSO INCLUDES BOTH AIR FORCE GATOR BOOKS, WHOOPIE CUSHION, AND DRINKS AT VEGAS LOUNGE)

0 claimed

$500

DVD copy of Pootie Tang signed by Louis CK


1 left of 1 available

One of my prize possessions is a copy of Pootie Tang on DVD that I had signed by Louis C.K. back in 2007. It's super cool, but I'll happily give it to you for half a grand.

(ALSO INCLUDES BOTH AIR FORCE GATOR BOOKS, WHOOPIE CUSHION, AND DRINKS AT VEGAS LOUNGE)

0 claimed

$1,000

Mortal Kombat II arcade cabinet


1 left of 1 available

I have an awesome, working, Mortal Kombat II cabinet, but it's sat unused in my father's living room in Kansas ever since I moved to Minneapolis in 2009. It's in great condition outside of the right joystick, which I think just needs some tightening or basic maintenance. If you donate at this level and can pick it up in Shawnee, KS, this machine is yours. Be warned, though...my dad can't do anything manly, so you'll want to bring some dudes that can help you get it out of his place.

(ALSO INCLUDES BOTH AIR FORCE GATOR BOOKS, WHOOPIE CUSHION, AND DRINKS AT VEGAS LOUNGE)

0 claimed

$2,000

ALF puzzle


1 left of 1 available

Years ago, I saw an ALF puzzle in the basement of my friend Derek's house. I thought it was awesome and he let me have it. I've never put it together, so it's probably missing pieces or something, but it's yours if you fund this whole thing by yourself. I'll probably use the cash to buy Derek a couple of beers next time I'm in Kansas City.

(ALSO INCLUDES BOTH AIR FORCE GATOR BOOKS, WHOOPIE CUSHION, AND DRINKS AT VEGAS LOUNGE)

0 claimed